


chillipshaw

by thistidalwave



Series: Terms and Conditions [1]
Category: Radio 1 RPF
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-02
Updated: 2014-03-02
Packaged: 2018-01-14 06:12:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1255831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thistidalwave/pseuds/thistidalwave
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>To:</b> Nicholas Grimshaw<br/><b>From:</b> Aimee Phillips<br/><b>Subject:</b> WOOING IAN</p><p>so I’ve been wearing Ian down and I think he’s coming around. STEP 2 COMMENCE?<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	chillipshaw

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [Lily](http://archiveofourown.org/users/blamefincham), for helping inspire this and basically writing all the terms and conditions, and to [Lucy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/snitchpuff/pseuds/loverave) for being helpful and encouraging. :)))

Aimee 21:11  
Think Ian’s up for it 

Nick 21:11  
Yeah he’s your bf?? 

Aimee 21:12  
No, up for you. 

Aimee 21:12  
Don’t give me that look

Nick 21:13  
What.

Aimee 21:14  
One word for you honey

Nick 21:14  
Don’t

Aimee 21:14  
Threeeeeeesoooooome 

Aimee 21:15  
You said you “think he’s fit” COME ON

Nick 21:15  
Shut up I’m coming back with drinks 

Aimee 21:15  
This is not the end of this. 

-

Aimee 08:42  
Hi babe

Ian 08:44  
Hey :)

Aimee 08:45  
Nick’s looking smart today, isn’t he?

Ian 08:47  
Not this again. He’s wearing a t-shirt.

Aimee 08:49  
And glasses. I know you like the glasses.

Ian 08:54  
Stop texting me, I’m working!!

Aimee 08:54  
I SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOU IAN CHALONER

-

Nick 13:13  
Get your girlfriend to stop trying to get me to have sex with you

Ian 13:14  
YOU get her to stop trying to get ME to have sex with YOU

Nick 13:14  
She’s unstoppable

Ian 13:15  
So you understand the problem here. 

Nick 14:21  
You don’t think I’m fit then?

Ian 14:24  
Don’t get your knickers in a twist, I just don’t want to have sex with you.

Nick 14:25  
Hmpf.

Ian 14:25  
Not you too.

-

Nick 14:30  
We must woo Ian. He seems like the kind of man who appreciates a lil romance.

Aimee 14:31  
!!!!! What changed in the past 10 mins, christ. 

Aimee 14:31  
NOT COMPLAINING

-

Ian 18:37  
Why is Nick on our date with us???

Aimee 18:38  
Because. Come back to the table please?

Ian 18:38  
No

Aimee 18:38  
Babe.

Ian 18:40  
Fine.

-

 **Aimee Phillips**  
last night progress 10/10??

 **Nick Grimshaw**  
strong 9 maybe  
needs work

 **Aimee Phillips**  
should we buy him flowers  
by which i mean should you  
i already bagged him

 **Nick Grimshaw**  
probably too frightening 

**Aimee Phillips**  
the fact that you just srsly considered that is hilarious  
the lil card could say “consider me for your next threesome! love, nicky”

 **Nick Grimshaw**  
stfu  
whose idea was this?? hmmmmm???

 **Aimee Phillips**  
you weren’t complaining  
you won’t be complaining when you’re sucking his dick ;)

 **Nick Grimshaw**  
I’M ON THE RADIO

 **Aimee Phillips**  
not my problem :)

-

Ian 10:22  
Did you leave this chocolate on my desk?

Nick 10:24  
Nah

Ian 10:25  
Then why does the note on it say “xo Nick”?

Nick 10:25  
Must be a different Nick

Nick 10:26  
No, I want to give you kisses and hugs and my name is Nick THAT’S WHY

Ian 10:26  
No.

Ian 10:26  
Thanks for the chocolate though. I’m sharing with Amy. 

Nick 10:28  
Did you tell her she’s eating chocolate I gave you in an attempt to convince you to have sex with me?

Ian 10:29  
I left that bit out, actually. 

Nick 10:29  
You’re feeding her lies. LIES.

Ian 10:32  
I told her the chocolate is made of lies and she looked terrified and left.

Nick 10:33  
HAHAHA

-

 **To:** Nicholas Grimshaw  
 **From:** Aimee Phillips  
 **Subject:** WOOING IAN

so I’ve been wearing Ian down and I think he’s coming around. STEP 2 COMMENCE?

 **To:** Aimee Phillips  
 **From:** Nicholas Grimshaw  
 **Subject:** re: WOOING IAN

what was step 2 again?

also, what does wearing down even consist of?

 **To:** Nicholas Grimshaw  
 **From:** Aimee Phillips  
 **Subject:** re: WOOING IAN

fuck if I know, you figure it out. you’re the one who said we needed to woo him. 

it’s mostly a lot of cuddling and talking about how hot you are. which i’m scarily good at, i think we’ve been friends for too long. 

**To:** Aimee Phillips  
 **From:** Nicholas Grimshaw  
 **Subject:** re: WOOING IAN

HAHAHAHA why aren’t you recording this. is his face bright red???? you’re my favourite wingwoman xoxo

step 2 we………. force him to strip and tie him to the bed? I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS ROMANCE CRAP

 **To:** Nicholas Grimshaw  
 **From:** Aimee Phillips  
 **Subject:** re: WOOING IAN

he’s tucked up in bed now, probably having some lovely dreams. I wouldn’t so much say bright red as a bit pink and adorably flustered.

kinky, grimmy. maybe not quite yet. remember the rose petal approach? 

**To:** Aimee Phillips  
 **From:** Nicholas Grimshaw  
 **Subject:** re: WOOING IAN

what are rose petals

 **To:** Nicholas Grimshaw  
 **From:** Aimee Phillips  
 **Subject:** re: WOOING IAN

shut up, you’re not funny. you’re the least funny person i know. 

you know who’s funny.

showbot is funny.

-

 **To:** Matthew Fincham  
 **cc:** Aimee Phillips  
 **From:** Nicholas Grimshaw  
 **Subject:** Showquizness

Hiya

I’d like to make a formal request for Showbot to ask Ian if he’s up for a threesome.

Or something more clever than that I don’t know, I’m not the genius here. 

Thanks Matty!

 **To:** Nicholas Grimshaw  
 **cc:** Aimee Phillips  
 **From:** Matthew Fincham  
 **Subject:** re: Showquizness

Your transparent attempt at flattery to get me to do what you want is cheap and poorly done, babe. That said, it’ll be a lol and he’ll hate it, so sure.

 **To:** Matthew Fincham  
 **cc:** Aimee Phillips  
 **From:** Nicholas Grimshaw  
 **Subject:** re: Showquizness

You’re my favourite xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

-

 **Group:** STOP  
 **Members:** Ian Chaloner, Aimee Phillips, Nick Grimshaw

Ian 09:01  
No really. Stop. 

Nick 09:02  
You thought it was funny, don’t lie

Ian 09:04  
I was live on the radio!!! THE NATION THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY the nation thought it was a joke. It was NEITHER.

Aimee 09:05  
It was a little funny.

-

Nick 09:05  
He’s literally just stomped out of the studio. Might actually be angry.

Aimee 09:06  
Did you go after him???

Nick 09:13  
He won’t talk to me. He’s just staring at his computer. 

Aimee 09:13  
Any other symptoms?

Nick 09:14  
Rapid typing and extreme pouting.

Aimee 09:15  
Think we actually went too far?

Nick 09:22  
If we did he’ll get over it. 

-

 **To:** Aimee Phillips, Nicholas Grimshaw  
 **From:** Ian Chaloner  
 **Subject:** Terms and Conditions  
[attached: JustInCaseSigned.pdf]

Look, if we’re going to do this, it’s very important that we’re all on the same page. For your convenience I have outlined said page below. Please read thoroughly and reply at your earliest convenience.

 

We, the undersigned, agree, first and foremost, not to let any sexual relations destroy our friendship. In the event of sexual relations (in common parlance, a ‘threesome’) between Aimee Phillips, Ian Chaloner, and Nicholas Grimshaw, henceforth referred to as ‘the arrangement’, we agree to the following rules:

1\. All parties agree that not knowing the identity of the ‘baby daddy’ is a horrifying prospect, and therefore agree to practise safe sex and to have regular (semiannual) STD checks, the results of which are to be shared with both other members of the arrangement. 

2\. There will be no pictures taken at any time, especially when any members of the arrangement are sleeping. No videos (including, but not limited to, Instagram, Keeks, and Vines) will be taken and shared via the Internet.

3\. What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom and should not be conveyed to family and/or friends, on social media, or on the radio by word, image, action, or innuendo. 

4\. Wherever the sexual acts take place, the owner of the property is responsible for properly laundering the sheets before future rendezvous.

5\. No one shall be present on the property when sexual acts are taking place except the members of the arrangement. One or more dog sitters will be arranged for both dogs off-property prior to sexual relations. The excuse given to the dog sitter(s) must be approved for plausibility by all three members of the arrangement.

6\. The consumption of alcoholic drinks as a part of sexual liaisons is highly encouraged, but the purchasing of all alcoholic beverages will be the sole responsibility of Mr Grimshaw because he is flush. 

7\. All parties agree not to leave visible love bites or marks of any kind, except in the case of holiday or other situation where the members will not have to be seen by others for several days. 

8\. The introduction of any sex toys, fantasies, or otherwise unconventional sex acts shall be discussed by all three members of the arrangement before they are acted upon in bed. This contract constitutes discussion of the unconventional sex act known in common parlance as a ‘threesome’. 

9\. If a member of the arrangement does not feel sexually satisfied, said member agrees to discuss the situation with both other members and to not gossip about the sexual prowess of a member behind their back. 

10\. Should any romantic feelings arise for any members of the arrangement as the result of its terms, said member agrees to discuss these feelings as soon as they arise with both other members in plain and transparent terms.

11\. Should the relationship status of any members of the arrangement change, all three members agree to have a prompt discussion about the future of the arrangement.

12\. If any of the partners feels that there should be no further sexual relations between all three members of the arrangement for any reason, all members agree to have a frank discussion about the terms by which the arrangement shall be terminated.

The terms of the arrangement may only be altered by unanimous vote. The contract must be printed, signed, scanned, and emailed to all members of the arrangement. 

Date:  
Signature: 

-

Aimee 15:44  
Have you checked your email?

Nick 15:52  
No, why?

Aimee 15:52  
Go go go

Nick 15:52  
omg

Aimee 15:52  
BABY DADDY

Nick 15:56  
I don’t see a potential for babies here. :(

Aimee 15:57  
I’m not voting yes to changing that so you may as well give it up now. 

Nick 15:57  
For now. 

Nick 16:02  
I don’t like 6 :(

Aimee 16:03  
You are flush tho. And you’d buy alcohol anyway. 

Nick 16:03  
True.

Nick 16:07  
Why do we need a contract anyway? I wasn’t signing up for long term

Aimee 16:08  
Yeah you were, we just didn’t notice. This is why Ian is paid the big bucks. Metaphorically.

Aimee 16:08  
Also now you’re contractually obligated to real talk, which is probably the most ingenious thing I’ve ever seen.

Nick 16:09  
Oh no :(

-

 **To:** Ian Chaloner, Nicholas Grimshaw  
 **From:** Aimee Phillips  
 **Subject:** re: Terms and Conditions  
[attached: threesome_contract_signed.pdf]

First order of business: when and where.

xoxo

-

 **To:** Ian Chaloner, Aimee Phillips  
 **From:** Nicholas Grimshaw  
 **Subject:** re: Terms and Conditions  
[attached: AUBERGINEEMOJI.pdf]

I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR REAL TALK.

 **To:** Nicholas Grimshaw, Aimee Phillips  
 **From:** Ian Chaloner  
 **Subject:** re: Terms and Conditions

You _have_ signed it though, so.

-

 **Group:** sexy pals  
 **Members:** Ian Chaloner, Aimee Phillips, Nick Grimshaw

Nick 20:45  
Hello there pals

Ian 20:46  
No.

Nick 20:46  
YOU SIGNED A CONTRACT

Ian 20:47  
The contract said ‘sexy pals’ exactly nowhere.

Aimee 20:48  
We need a stupid smush name like from the tabs

Ian 20:48  
NO

Nick 20:48  
Ooooooh

[ **group name changed to:** iaimick]

Ian 20:49  
EVEN MORE NO

[ **group name changed to:** anything but that dear GOD]

Aimee 20:50  
You’re so touchy.

Aimee 20:50  
It’s cute.

Nick 20:51  
It is cute.

Ian 20:51  
:(

[ **group name changed to:** chillipshaw]

Ian 20:54  
I’ll show you cute.

Nick 20:56  
Not if I show you first!!

Aimee 20:56  
BOYS. 

Aimee 20:57  
W h e n. W h e r e. DISCUSS. Then go back to flirting, idc.

Ian 20:57  
Yes ma’am.

Nick 20:57  
Oooh is that a kink

Aimee 20:58  
NICK.

-

Nick knocks on the door of Aimee and Ian’s flat and fidgets with the bag he’s clutching in his arms, shifting its weight. Ian opens the door and raises an eyebrow at him.

“I brought alcohol as requested,” Nick says, marching past Ian into the flat without waiting for an invitation. He puts the bag down on the coffee table in the living room. Aimee stares at him over the top of her phone from where she’s sitting on the sofa. “We should probably start drinking it immediately.”

“I agree,” Aimee says. 

Ian has already brought glasses into the room. They settle onto the sofa, Nick and Aimee on either end with Ian in the middle, and use the glasses for maybe twenty minutes tops before they give up entirely. Nick cradles a bottle of white wine in the crook of his elbow and stares at Ian’s quiff.

“Hair is weird,” he says. “This is weird.”

“Look who’s talking,” Ian says. 

“Unbelievable,” Aimee mutters. 

There’s a loaded silence in which all three of them are on their phones, surreptitiously glancing at each other only to look away quickly when they catch each other’s eyes. Nick feels like a complete and utter idiot. 

“You know all those real talk clauses?” he asks, waiting for them to look at him before continuing. “I feel stupid and I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Yeah, me neither,” Ian says. “I was counting on you two to have the experience.”

Nick snorts. “I’ve never had sex with my best friend and her boyfriend, actually, so I think this is new to all of us?” He raises his eyebrows at Aimee. 

“Obviously it’s never been you two before, so this is brand new,” Aimee says. “Usually it starts with kissing, though, just throwing that out there.”

None of them move. Aimee sighs. “You’re both thinking too hard.”

She leans over and plants one on Ian. Usually Nick would look away and clear his throat loudly at this point, but this time he just watches. They really are hot, and when Aimee pulls away the pout of Ian’s lips is red and wet. “Pass it on to Nick,” Aimee commands. 

Nick swallows nervously and leans forward to put the wine bottle on the table. When he turns back, Ian is right there. His eyelashes are rather nice, Nick notes, and then Ian’s sliding their lips together, adding a little tongue right away. Nick makes an involuntary noise and flails his hand, landing it on Ian’s thigh and leaning into him. Ian pulls away laughing at him. “Eager for it,” Ian teases. Nick rolls his eyes.

“Let’s get a move on,” Aimee says. “Bed?”

She doesn’t wait for an answer, and Nick and Ian scramble to follow after her. By the time she makes it to the bed, she’s got rid of her shirt and is peeling her skinny jeans off, ditching them on the floor and giving Nick and Ian an expectant look. “Clothes off,” she says. 

Nick wastes no time with it, shedding his t-shirt and jeans and crawling up to join Aimee in the middle of the bed, kissing her. “Figured we should do that,” he says. She grins at him. 

“Hey, do it some more, I wasn’t paying attention,” Ian complains, situating himself on the other side of Aimee.

“Loser,” Aimee says, hitting Ian in the arm, but she does tug Nick in to kiss him again, properly this time. She’s obviously aiming to put on a show, and there’s nothing Nick likes better than attention, so he’s fully on board. He gets right into it, running his hands down Aimee’s sides and trying to recall how one usually handles girl parts. Nick moves to kissing down the side of Aimee’s neck, keeping in mind the no marks rule, and lets her guide his hand to help her unclasp her bra. He fumbles a little, and Ian steps in, better able to actually see what he’s doing. 

“Paying attention now?” Nick asks, smiling cheekily at Ian and giving Aimee space to actually take off her bra.

“You could say that,” Ian says. 

“I think we need to make Ian feel a little more comfortable,” Aimee says, her tone sly.

“I’m perfectly comf--” Ian starts. 

“Do you want Nick to suck you?” Aimee asks, and Ian inhales sharply and turns slightly pink. Nick thinks he might be a bit flushed himself. “I know Nick wants to, right, Nick?”

Nick nods helplessly. “Are you going to let me?” he asks, voice low and a bit hoarse already.

“Yeah, fuck,” Ian breathes, and Nick lunges to kiss him like he might change his mind, Aimee laughing at the way he falls over her the entire time he’s smacking sloppy kisses down the expanse of Ian’s torso. He slows down when he gets to Ian’s hips, situating himself more comfortably and pressing careful kisses along Ian’s hipbone. He gets his teeth on the elastic band of Ian’s underwear and tugs a little, but doesn’t bother with actually trying to pull them off like that. Hands are so much more convenient. 

It feels like he’s been waiting years to get his mouth on Ian’s dick. He wraps his hand around the base first, wanking Ian a little before looking up through his eyelashes as he sucks the head. Ian moans, watching him intently, one hand hovering near Nick like he’s reaching for him.

Nick uses his free hand to grab Ian’s, placing it in his hair. Ian clutches it just enough that it tugs gently when Nick moves too quickly, because obviously Ian would naturally have that talent. Nick doesn’t often trust people to know how to do it right. 

“Use a lot of tongue,” Aimee advises. “He likes that.”

Nick hums agreement and Ian jerks beneath him. The little noises Ian makes are getting swallowed up by Aimee’s mouth, but Nick can still tell when he’s doing it right, and he’s just working up a good rhythm when Ian mumbles something Nick can’t quite catch. 

“What’s that, babe?” Aimee asks. Ian mumbles again, voice shaky because Nick refuses to give him any reprieve, but Aimee seems to understand this time. “You sure?” 

Ian must indicate that he is to her, because the next thing Nick registers after getting distracted by sucking a dark mark into Ian’s thigh because he’d realised that was totally allowed in the contract and it made Ian shake in the most delightful way, Aimee is sitting on Ian’s face. 

Though Nick wouldn’t have predicted it, Ian actually manages to sound even more enthusiastic about licking Aimee out than he did when he was just getting sucked off. His hands are resting on Aimee’s thighs now, and Nick has to put in a concentrated effort to hold Ian down so that he doesn’t choke him when Nick gets his mouth back on Ian’s dick. 

It doesn’t take that much longer for Ian to come with a muffled shout, Nick managing to swallow some of it and getting the rest smeared across his cheek and Ian’s thigh. He huffs to himself and leaves Aimee and Ian to it for a moment while he grabs a flannel. 

Nick wipes up the mess and immediately ditches the flannel somewhere off the bed because he’s totally hygienic. He slides himself up behind Aimee and kisses just behind her ear. She reaches back and grabs at the back of his head, tugging him forward to kiss him properly, which turns into more like panting against his mouth. Nick doesn’t mind, content to stay there while Aimee tells Ian to keep doing it just like that, babe, come on, until her eyes are shut tight and she’s shuddering, letting her muscles go slack so that Nick has to hold her up and kiss her through her orgasm. 

“Can’t feel my legs,” Aimee mutters when Nick’s helped her off Ian and they’re lying side by side, staring at the ceiling. 

Ian has found the flannel Nick apparently threw on the bedside table and is wiping off his face with it. “Skills,” he says, unceremoniously tossing the flannel back where he found it. 

“I can feel my legs,” Nick says. “Also my cock, it appears to be really desperate for some attention.” 

“I have some ideas about that,” Aimee says. “Number one being fucking Ian.”

Nick’s brain short-circuits a bit. “What?” he and Ian say at nearly the same time. “Might be a big ask for Ian,” Nick adds. He’d honestly only been gunning for someone to wank him so that he didn’t have to do it himself, although now that Aimee’s put the suggestion in his head he desperately does want to spread Ian out on the bed and fuck him good and slow. Or, well, as slow as he could manage right now. 

“No,” Ian says, “it would be fine. It’d be good, right?” Nick stares at him. 

“Yeah, we’ll make it so good for you, I promise,” Aimee says, her words slurring together a little. 

“Well, come on then,” Ian says, getting a bottle of lube and a condom out of the bedside table and tossing them at Nick. He catches the bottle and puts the condom where he’ll be able to grab it easily, pulling off his underwear.

Nick shuffles down the bed and waits for Ian to take his spot next to Aimee before coating his fingers in lube and looking at him. “Have you done this before?” he asks.

“He’s done it himself for me,” Aimee says. She takes Ian’s hand, pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose. “Just relax, babe.”

Ian nods, first to Aimee, then locking eyes with Nick and nodding again. Nick eases in a finger, having to stop to contain himself when Ian’s eyes flutter shut and he moans.

“You’re so pretty when you’re taking it,” Aimee murmurs. “Come on, Nick, let him have more.”

Nick does, marvelling at how responsive Ian is and how easily he takes Nick’s fingers. He’s trying to take it slow, but even so he works it up to three in what seems like no time at all. 

“Okay,” Ian gasps out. “Okay, I’m ready.”

“Are you sure?” Nick asks. “It’s going to be a lot.”

Ian nods vigorously. “Yeah, yeah. I want you, come on.”

Nick is no one to deny that request. He fumbles for the condom and has issues ripping the packet open. Aimee takes it from him and does it herself, helping him put it on before taking Ian’s hand again. Nick gets lube everywhere, wiping his hand off on the sheets gracelessly. 

“Ready?” he asks Ian again. He offers him his cleaner hand and Ian takes it, lacing their fingers together.

“Get on with it,” Ian says. 

Nick does, guiding himself carefully and pushing in slowly. Aimee is staring, a look something like awe on her face, and Nick feels quite the same. It’s one thing to talk about fucking Ian and quite another to actually be fucking him. This is probably the best idea Aimee has ever had. Up there in the top three, at least. 

“For fuck’s sake, if you don’t start _moving_ ,” Ian hisses. 

Nick tries to start with long strokes but quickly can’t handle it anymore, barely rocking into Ian and clutching his hand too hard, pressing it down into the bed. “Not gonna last,” he chokes out.

“Don’t want you to,” Aimee says softly.

“Done so good,” Ian agrees. “Come for us now. Come on.”

Nick holds out another few moments, until Aimee grabs the hand he’d been using to support himself against the bed, and then he’s coming hard, head spinning and vision blurring. 

He pulls out and collapses next to Ian, untangling their fingers and shaking out his hand. “Well, fuck,” he mumbles, taking off the condom and tying it off before dropping it in the bin next to the bed.

“Yeah, it was that,” Ian says. “I think you’ve broken my fingers.”

“I think you’ve broken my dick,” Nick retorts. 

“My brain needs a reboot,” Aimee says, curling herself into Ian’s side. “I vote we have a nap.”

“Gotta piss,” Ian says. “Don’t want to get up though.”

Nick sighs. “If you do get up, you should bring back food.”

“I am not your slave,” Ian says. 

“Shut up,” Aimee says. “I’m sleeping.”

-

 **Group:** ♥♥♥  
 **Members:** Ian Chaloner, Aimee Phillips, Nick Grimshaw

Aimee 09:35  
Which one of you changed the name to hearts?

Nick 09:35  
Wasn’t me

Ian 09:36  
Well it definitely wasn’t me.

Aimee 09:38  
Nick… 

Nick 09:38  
Why do you automatically assume I’M the liar????

Aimee 09:39  
Because it says it was changed at 6 AM and Ian was asleep.

Aimee 09:43  
“Not in it long term” he said

Nick 09:43  
Shut it.

Ian 09:45  
Do we need to discuss clause 10?

Nick 09:45  
NO.

Aimee 09:45  
Not yet, anyway


End file.
